I can’t get my head around it. Around the fact that I have to reapply for University in a matter of, well, a month. When I say that I have to, I mean I want to. As much as I love my job – at the best of times – I know that to expand, to move on with life, I need to force myself out of this cocoon I’ve been living in.
Since coming back home, the confidence and the independence I had acquired at University has slowly drifted away. Nowadays I can’t have a normal conversation with someone without getting into a panic. Nowadays I fear even getting on a train to the nearest City in case I get lost, and that’s a city I know pretty damn well!
I am trying to see the positives of leaving University like how I am in the midst of losing weight and ‘re-branding’ myself. It’s going well. Another good thing is my job, which pays well and I actually have money in my bank account instead of a £1000 student overdraft. However I can’t shake the feeling of what if I stayed?
A few of my old course mates wrote to me on Facebook. One recently mentioning that she ‘missed me’, which made me think of – how for the first time in my life – I found it so effortlessly easy to make friends. Even near the end of the last term, I had got a “popular guy” to talk to me, to actually have a conversation with me.
A first for me.
I am quite upset how I will never get to go to New York or Amsterdam with those people on a University Project, but I know if I would have stayed I would have gone insane. Coventry would have gone a lot smoother if nobody tried to ‘make me stay’. Or if I would have gotten the support I really needed.
As much as I would love to badmouth the University itself for lacking that support, I can’t because its partly my fault for not seeking that support strongly enough.
Plus, I am trying to find a silver lining here.
Ok, I have decided I want to go into Interactive/Digital or Social Media/Communications. I have also decided that if I am to go to University it would be more ideal to get into year two of a course, although starting over again wouldn’t be so bad, would it? So my next steps are:
- Get my final results from Coventry
- Look up a few potential courses (I found one that if I had stumbled across two years ago I probably would have applied to…Media and Creative Writing, so I am looking into that.)
- Contact other Universities’ faculties and see if I can get into year two of courses of interest.
- And finally get my laptop back from Coventry!!
When it comes to the University Take 2 stage in my life, I want to not make a big deal of it. I think I just made moving away harder for myself when I packed too much stuff, took a boat and traveled down through Scotland into England to get to Coventry (instead of throwing two checked bags on an easyJet plane and asked for an IKEA voucher) and finally, spending too much time faffing over it all.
There’s no way it can be as bad as University Take 1, can it?